he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
