when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
