I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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