Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
