Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
