My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
