she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
