hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
