a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
