New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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