This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
