how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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