mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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