Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
