i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
