I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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