the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
