Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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