so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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