Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
