Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
