So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
