the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
