ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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