This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
