dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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