Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
