I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
