Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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