There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
