I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
