nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
