He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He passed out mid-signature
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
