Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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