I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
