omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
