can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
