I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
