You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
