She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
