Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
