Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
