I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
