True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
