Already got asked if we're dating
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
