Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You took a bar mat shot.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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