So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
