Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
