He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
this is an emotional support booty call
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
