I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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