i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
